| WISHFUL THINKING
eeyy. trying to kill time. i know i have not written in a while; i do not think i will be using this nearly as much as i used to use it. the exception being moments like these, when i have a lot of emotion to express and a lot of time to spare. is it not odd that if you have time to spare, you must kill it? strange how the english language so accurately depicts the course of human action. but that was only a tangent. i am in wishful thinking. partially because i had coffee ice cream, negating any attempt to sleep, and partially because i am thinking of many people whom i will not see again, oh my brothers. i know that it is theoretically quite hard to miss what one never really had, but in practice, it is so unfortunately easy. school has let for the summer, which is good, and there was a party the last day, which was great, and even a moment of bonding with the graduates afterward, which was amazing. but now there is a moment of... dare i say?, nostalgia. i know it is stupid; i knew them for one day, and two later i have nostalgia, but feelings are not the shapest tools in the shed. and believe me; i do not mean to say that feelings are these beautiful blossoming flowers which transcend knowledge and understanding, because i disagree with that entirely. but all too often the brain emotes against that which it thinks, or even knows. this is that moment. no matter what, i still think that to be so physically close to someone, anyone, and to even be given countless opportunities to know that person while... not, is so unfortunate. i suppose getting to know them right before they left is better than not knowing them at all; no, i do not suppose that; that is definitely true, but god dammit. not to mention that during this period of "nostalgia", i was speaking with a friend of me whom i had not seen in a long while, even though it was a very good conversation. so many people, so little understanding. story of the world, is it not? to finally get to know people the day they are never to be known again, and have the people be totally cool. irony is a bitch.
i am however, very appreciative of my bonding experience; i even had a sip of champagne seeing how it was a special occasion. i never really seem to get to know most of the people at the school i attend. that applies for all of them. bittersweet is its own word, except for sourpatch.
well i must say, that helped. and i will leave it at that, no words on "sins", or lessons for the learning. not even a closing poem. that would kill the moment. |
